Stages of Grief

Home | Marking Holidays And Anniversaries | Tips for Coping with Family Celebrations | Anticipatory Grief and Holidays | Grief And the Holidays | Experiences of Grief

Marking Holidays And Anniversaries

  • Don't be surprised at the intensity of your grief. Feelings of anger, panic, depression, despair, guilt or regrets, fearfulness, loneliness, as well as physical symptoms feel stronger during this time. This is normal. It is not a setback; it is how grief is.
  • Help yourself by gaining an understanding of the grieving process. Read a book on grief, attend a lecture or attend a support group.
  • Remember what has helped you earlier in your grieving - these techniques will help you again.
  • Tell important people in your life that this is a difficult season and let them know what they can do to help. Don't expect people to remember or know what to do.
  • Don't be surprised if others struggle also, or if you see others hesitate to speak of the person who died. They are probably afraid they will make you feel sad and are unsure if you want to talk about it.

Predictable Grief During the Holidays

As unpredictable as grief is, one can expect that the holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries that were important, shared times with your loved one will cause a huge wave of emotion. These events, once anticipated with joyous pleasure, are now often painful reminders that your loved one is not here to celebrate with you. The good news is that you can help yourself.

Something to keep in mind as this holiday season approaches: for many, the anticipation of a holiday is worse than the actual day. Make a plan for the holiday that is approaching. If it is difficult to decide what you want to do, think about what you don't want to do. Discuss your plan with your family. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can ignore the holiday in hopes it will go away. Everywhere you look, you will probably be reminded that this is a holiday season. Stores will be decorated; there will be holiday ads in the newspaper and on TV. People will greet you with a "happy" or a "merry" something or another. And it is not a happy or merry time for you.

Holidays are different for each person. One particular holiday may be very difficult for you but a breeze for others. A particular holiday may not have much meaning for some, but if your family always hosted a huge neighborhood costume party, on that particular holiday you will really feel your loss on that day.