Stages of Grief

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Anticipatory Grief and Holidays

Anticipatory grief - a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs - is a hard journey. Holidays make it even harder. At a time when you're supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You're on pins and needles and wonder what will happen next.

Remember, your grief stems from love, and you may find comfort in that. Holidays don't erase your reasons for feeling sad and lonely, according to the National Mental Health Association, and "there is room for these feelings to be present." So accept your feelings and, if you feel like crying, go ahead and do it.

Crying will help you to feel better. Here are some other ways you can help yourself.

BE REALISTIC. You don't have to create a "perfect" holiday. Do you really need to knit sweaters for everyone? No. Do you really need to serve a six course meal? No. What you need to do is set realistic goals, get organized, and pace yourself. Rather than focusing on one day, the National Mental Health Association recommends focusing on "a season of holiday sentiment."

ASK FOR HELP. You don't need to do everything yourself. Family members and friends will be glad to help with planning, decorating and cooking. One family member could bring a traditional dish, such as pumpkin pie. Another family member could provide linens and launder them afterwards. Your request for help makes others feel needed.

BUDGET. Finances can cause stress at any time, but they cause lots of stress during the holidays. Set a budget for gifts, decorations and entertaining. Staying within your budget will make you feel better about the holidays and yourself. Your gifts don't have to be new. Holidays are a perfect time to pass along family possessions - a flower vase, historic photo, or beloved book, etc. Attach a short note about the item to your gift.

SAVOR THE MOMENT! Though you are sorrowful, you're alive and able to be with those you love and care about. Surround yourself with life: family members, dear friends, colorful flowers, a tail-wagging dog and hobbies that make you happy. For every moment of life - even the sorrowful ones – there is a miracle.